YEEEEEEHAAAAAW!!!!!!: The Friday Rush

So, if you want to know what just barely getting out in front of the Friday afternoon rush back to San Francisco feels like -- I'm talking like a matter of minutes in front of the swiftly constricting gridlock around you -- fast forward to about 2:00 of this video. Really the entire 2:23 clip is dead on -- it captures the intensity of the situation, the unfiltered adrenalin rush and the sweet euphoria of shooting out around the side of the pigpile that is the Bay Bridge exit before it's spilled across all four lanes, an obstacle that represents the final hurdle to that improbable holy grail of starting the weekend early.

Okay, let's get into how this works, shall we?

If you try to sneak around the left side of the Bay Bridge traffic on 101 at 445, you should be fine. 5 o'clock? Forget it, it's over. You'll be sitting there waiting while everyone tries to force their way from left to right into a line of short tempered, stationary cars because, you know, why not just drive past a half a mile of cars stuck in traffic and hope someone will let you in at the front. "Hey buddy, I'm blocking all of Silicon Valley from getting into San Francisco right now. Funny -- I didnt realize I was going to have to exit to get back to Oakland even though I DO THIS EVERY DAY. Mind if I cut in front of you even though you've been parked on the highway for 30 minutes? Thanks!!!" Dozens of people start pulling this move once the flow of traffic onto the Bay Bridge has slowed down. 

Having run into and spoken with many of people who subscribe to this commuting philosophy, it's hard to disagree: they're completely conscious that they are screwing everyone who has been waiting or wants to go around, but someone always, always, always let's them in -- in a matter of seconds -- so you just have to not care that everyone else is pissed and got the shaft. Regardless of the fact that everyone in the area gets a jolt to their blood pressure, this strategy works and is never going away. It's absolutely imperative that you get out in front of this build up.

I have both made and missed this Friday afternoon run from the valley to the city countless times over the past ten years and I'm thinking about filming an amateur video to submit to ABC Wide World of Sports' Thrill of Victory and Agony of Defeat. Honestly, busting out of the Death star (or getting engulfed in the proverbial flames) sets the pace for the entire weekend. Sad, but true. I can't tell you why getting home faster than usual early on a Friday makes me so happy, but I can tell you that since I'm usually trying to go get drinks with friends it might just be pavlovian.

When you're buried deep in Mountain View and you want to get to the city to, you know, "get into ye cups a wee early", you've got to be out the door by 4pm. Not 4:10, not 4:30. 4pm flat and those extra few minutes are the entire shooting match, no question. On any given Friday, there's basically one million people thinking that they're ready to get the F out come four o'clock and a strong majority act on it. Being 3/4 of the way down to San Jose means you're basically starting in the last block out of the gate and every five minutes that pass means more time to load another platoon of happy hour/Tahoe/movie bound commuters out on to the freeway. Between Mountain View and San Francisco there are like 200 exits. Everyone

 jumping onto 101 has the exact same idea: get there first.

By far the most critical juncture of this jaunt is the stretch of 101 that runs through Redwood Shores because that's where Oracle's headquarters is located. Employing thousands of people, this place shuts down in mass at 5pm on the dot, unleashing a tidal wave of drivers onto 101 in the same vicinity of the 92 bridge, a major congestion spot. Never knew this? Here is a clip of what it looks outside Oracle at 5pm on Friday. Put it this way, if that crew gets the drop on you -- and just like everyone else they don't want to sit in traffic -- plan on calling your friends and meeting them for dinner. It's without question the make or break point in any early commute home on 101. You have to get through here unscathed, otherwise you're either getting stuffed in San Mateo at the 92 bridge or stuffed in San Francisco at the Bay Bridge.

What's great about this early Friday run (when you're out in front, I should say) is that the other commuters in this swiftly closing window of drive time typically "get it". People are in their lanes, the fastest ones all the way to the left and no one's trying any bullshit. It's like there is this collective consciousness that guides the herd because everyone knows that as long as everyone keeps it steady and doesn't screw anything up, everyone will all make it back in time for $3 pints. At the same time, there's the underlying anxiety that one episode of rubber necking or one douche bag driving in the left lane at 50mph could screw it up for everyone.

As a commuter, it's really a rare thing when I can meet my friends for happy hour on a Friday. No one in the city appreciates how many things have to actually go right for me to be there with them. At the same time, they also don't appreciate how amazingly good that first beer tastes when you know you shot the barrel in 55 minutes and most of the valley is still sitting in stop and go for another hour plus. Those rare Fridays when you do get through, I always say the same thing: "Thank god, I am not sitting in traffic on 101 right now. Can you imagine?"